Bad Hare Day
by ThePerfectImp
Summary: Barbara Anne Bunny  "DON"T CALL ME THAT!" ... Sorry... Babs Bunny is having lunch with her friends when Fifi points out that she's challenged when it comes to having beautiful hair. Babs wishes that weren't so. Oh, be careful what you wish for, Babs...
1. Chapter 1

_(Author's Note: I published a previous version of this story under my real name, Donald Speirs, in 1996. That version can be found on the TTA Fanfic Mirror site - but don't try using the e-mail address there to contact me - it went dormant about a decade ago. And remember... be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it...)_

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><p>Bad Hare Day<p>

A Tiny Toon Adventures Story

Based on "Tiny Toon Adventures",

Characters Created by Tom Ruegger

Television Show Developed and Produced by Steven Spielberg

All Character (c) Warner Brother Animation / Amblin Television

* * *

><p>CHAPTER ONE<p>

Our story opens on the cafeteria at Acme Loo, with lunch in full swing. At one table, Buster, Plucky, Hamton and the boys are again having another rousing round of "Will Dizzy Eat It?"

Buster holds up a dripping sack with flies buzzing around it. "Behold. Here in my hand I hold the scraping from the floor of the library screening rooms from the last two years." He waves the sack around, flinging drops of liquid onto the table in front of him. Drops that hit the table start eating away the surface in a cloud of fumes. A fork and spoon, seeing the approaching rain of doom, run screaming from the table. "And of course, the big question we all want to know is..."

The guys all chime in. "_**Will Dizzy eat it**_!"

Buster smiles and tosses the bag into the air, directly above a smiling and confident Dizzy. The young Devil looks up, judges the trajectory carefully, and leaps into the air, catching the bag at the apex of its arc. Dizzy lands easily, pirouettes once and swallows the bag with a single loud gulp. The guys start to cheer Dizzy, who beams back at them with a toothy grin. "Yummy. Dizzy love popcorn!"

The ladies table across the cafeteria is full with the usual suspects. Mary Melody and Sweetie have their books open, discussing the day's physics assignment (Effects on the trajectory of pies by filling which flew farther - lemon meringue or coconut custard). Babs wanders up with her lunch, followed by Fifi and Shirley.

The young loon looks over at the guys. "Like, that is so totally grody. I mean, like, where does Buster come up with junk like that, Babs?"

"Beats me. It hasta be a guy thing, I figure."

Fifi looks over slyly at her friends. "Oui, but then, they are better at some guy things then others, no?"

"Like, I'm sure, Fifi. I mean, come on. That kind of stuff is rough on the doo, ya know."

Awww, mon petite loon, just because your hair eez not so stunningly gorgeous as moi, vous must work harder at it than moi. Moi eez tres understanding and tres sympathetique."

Babs shakes her head. "Come on, Fifi, Shirley's got a point. Longer hair styles are a lot of trouble to take care of. Just ask Mary, she's a runner and she keeps it short for that reason. Right, Mary?"

Mary thinks about this for a second, seriously weighing the issue as only a teenage female can truly do. "No, I just think it looks better short on me. Personally, though, I agree with you about long hair."

Fifi looks daggers at Babs. "Well, moi does not think that vous should have an opinion, Babs. After all, vous has no hair at all, just a little short pink fur on top. Nothing to be styled, teased, or curled into the tres magnifique work of art that moi has."

The table goes silent as everyone looks at Babs, sensing the change in temperature. Babs herself reaches quickly for a witty comeback. "Well, of course I don't have hair, I am a hare!" The laughter around the table sounds as forced as Babs' reply.

Shirley, sensing the change in the shared karma at the table, moves to prevent anything worse from happening. "Well, like, Babs, I need help on my film study. Come on and, like, give me a hand in the library finding this old junk?"

Babs nods, grateful for the excuse. "See ya later."

As they head down the corridors toward the library, Shirley gliding and Babs walking beside her, the atmosphere is tense. Shirley decides she can't be silent anymore. "Like, your aura is reflecting some, like, mondo heavy conflict, Babs. I mean, it's like, green, and making it cold in here. You aren't, like, letting her get to you with that stuff?"

"I know, it's stupid. But I am jealous sometimes. I mean, when you want, you can change your hair and that changes how you feel sometimes. Me, all I have are these ears, and they sometimes have a life of their own, it seems..."

"Whoa, chill out the major negatory vibes, there, Babs. You are who you are, or some junk like that. Like, don't sweat your differences, they make you Babs." Shirley stops for a second. "Like, wow, I sound like I'm channeling June Cleaver or something."

"Look, Shirl, I know you mean well. But I can't help wishing I had some sort of hair. I mean, look at all the fun I miss out on...flipping my hair oh so seductively at Buster, spending hours in the beauty parlor with you and Fifi, things like that."

Shirley glances up at Babs. "Ohmigosh, you have got to be kidding. I do not spend HOURS in beauty parlors, Babs. And you are just fine as you are. Now let's get over to the library and to study, or something like that." Shirley increases her speed, forcing Babs to run to keep up.

The pair continue on into the library and move into a projection booth. They proceed to view a number of old cartoon shorts of Petunia Pig and Daisy Duck. Shirley has an upcoming oral exam on female sidekicks, and isn't quite sure yet which character she is going to use as her case study.

After about an hour, Shirley turns to Babs. "I need to stretch my aura a bit. Like, will you stay here and hold this room for me? I'll try to be back quickly."

"No problem, Shirl. I think I'd like to stay here and think for a while. Not that I'm hiding from anyone, you understand."

Shirley nods and smiles, then floats out of the room.

Alone at last with her thoughts, Babs sighs. "As much as I hate to admit it, Fifi is right. I am jealous of her and Shirley and all the others with hair. Heck, even Sweetie has hair! Oh, the heck with it, I probably would look dorky with hair anyway. But sometimes I just wish I could have the chance to know that for myself."

As these thoughts cross her mind, the screen in the room starts to fluoresce with a strange greenish glow. Babs stops thinking as she grows aware of the glow and does the first thing she can think of...she ducks behind the first row of seats. She cautiously peers over the chairs, ears behind her, and sees a whirling green cloud, the size of a quarter, in the middle of the movie screen. The cloud appears to be growing in size as it moves closer toward her like a cheesy 3-D movie effect. Babs cowers down as the cloud hovers above, quickly growing both in size and intensity. The cloud started to coalesce into something, and as it does so, it's color deepens, becoming darker, and redder, until, with a bright, red, soundless flash, the cloud disappears. In its place is a 7-foot tall, red, hairy creature wearing tennis shoes, a pair of strap-on wings held on with what appeared to be bandoliers, and a flickering neon tiara, floating about 5 feet above Babs' head. The creature sees Babs and smiles.

Babs takes all this in and decides to do something eminently logical. She faints.

The shock from the icewater quickly changes Babs' state from one of blissful unconsciousness to one of total wakefulness. A slightly detached part of her mind notes the presence of her hairy companion as her altitude quickly increases, propelled by the large volume of air she exhales as she screams from the shock in defiance of gravity. Gravity decides it doesn't like being defied, as that sets a bad example for the others, and rapidly reasserts itself, bringing our screaming heroine quickly to earth. Before she has a chance to be turned into a pretty pink smear on the ground, the creature reaches out its arms and catches Babs.

Babs, seeing her savior again, opens her mouth to scream again. This time, however, the scream never escapes, as a large hairy paw covers her mouth. The creature looks into her eyes.

"Is that all really necessary?"

Babs stared at the creature. The last thing she expected was a cultured Oxfordian accent. Her brows furrowed from the confusion.

"I say, miss. You summoned me, and thus my existence. Now, we can continue this screaming and yelling and thrashing about, like a bunch of silly people, or we can get about down to business. The choice is yours. Now, please nod if you understood this."

Nod.

"Righto. My, but your voice is piercing. I will remove my hand from your mouth if you give me your word that you will not scream, screech or make any other horrible noise. Will you promise me that?"

Nod. Nod.

The creature removes his hand from Babs' mouth, and then sets her gently down. Babs backs up two steps, and carefully looks her companion over.

"You say I summoned you? Who are you? For that matter, what are you?"

The creature smiles at the predictability of the questions. "Yes, _you_ summoned me. I am known by many names, but you may call me Gossamer-"

"Gossamer? GOSSAMER?" Babs starts giggling uncontrollably, rolling on the floor. Tears are streaming from her eyes. "A 7-foot hairy thing named Gossamer?"

Gossamer sighs, a heavy rolling sigh that bespeaks years of seeing this type of reaction. He waits patiently while Babs laughs, occasionally rolling his eyes heavenward. Finally, his patience starting to wear just a little thin, he speaks. "Alright, you have had your laugh, miss. Shall we get down to business?"

Babs, the occasional giggle still bubbling out of her, sits up and looks up at her new companion. "OK, I'll bite. Why are you here?"

"Simple. I am your Hairy Godfather."

"My what?"

"Your Hairy Godfather. Simply put, you wished to know what it was like to have hair, and I am here to grant your wish."

"You mean, like a genie or something?"

"Well, err, I suppose that is one way of putting it. Simply put, I am here to grant you some wishes, but they can only affect you, and they all have to do with hair."

"Well isn't that special. Come on, be honest, this is a joke, right? Buster and Plucky set you up to this, didn't they? Well I'm not biting. So why don't you just take your wings and things and just leave." Babs turns and starts angrily toward the screening room door.

Gossamer sighs again, and follows her, his wings fluttering lightly to propel him down the aisle. "No, Miss Barbara Anne Bunny, I am sorry, but your youthful companions did not 'put me up to this' as it were. You did, and I cannot leave until my mission is fulfilled. Union rules and all that."

Babs comes to a quick stop and turns, her eyes narrowing as she looks at Gossamer. "I did not put you up to this. And _don't_ you ever call me that."

At this point, Babs hears a door open, and a familiar voice behind her.

"Hiya Babsie, who ya talking to?"

Babs whirls on Buster, her anger building. "You! It's all your fault! What's the big idea sending this... this... _thing_ to tease me?"

"What thing?"

"This big hairy creature floating on wings behind me!" She points over her shoulder.

Buster squints as he looks hard where she is pointing. All he sees is an ordinary cartoon screening room. Maybe a little bit cleaner than ordinary, since this is the room he cleaned out for today's "Will Dizzy Eat It" segment, but otherwise, with no distinguishing features.

"Umm, Babsie, are you feeling alright?"

Babs starts yelling at Buster, her voice getting more strident with every syllable. "Don't play that game with me, Buster! Next you'll tell me I'm imagining things."

Buster backs away slowly in the face of Hurricane Babs. "Look, I don't see anything. And I didn't come here to argue with you. I don't know what has you worked up into a lather, Babs, but I wish you'd rope it in. I'll catch you later." The door slams behind Buster as he quickly beats feet from the projection room.

From his vantage point, Gossamer sighs. "I do so hate it when I see hares falling out like that, don't you?"

Babs cringes and draws a paw over her face. "Alright, enough already. Why couldn't Buster see you?"

"Because, my dear Miss Bunny, I am not here for him, I am here for you. It is your wishes, not his. He will never hear me or see me...nor will any of your other friends, I daresay."

"So if I mention you to anyone, like I did with Buster..."

"Yes, they will think you are a flaming loony toon. So sorry, but it is one of the rules."

"Uhhh, Gossamer"

"Yes, Miss Bunny?"

"I already am a toon."

"Uhhh...yes, quite. Well, anyway, be that as it may, I have to ask...what kind of hair would you like?"

Babs wanders over and sits down in a front row seat, her arms behind her head. "Hold on a minute there, mister. You said wishes, plural. What are you holding back on me?"

Again, Gossamer sighs and shrugs. "I am not holding out on you, so to speak. Another of the rules is that I cannot reveal any answers to you without you asking a direct question. If you do not ask, and thus do not discover the limits on your gift here, no additional levels on the gift will be revealed to you. That I have already revealed the multiplicity of your wishes to be granted makes it probable I will be punished when I return from this assignment."

"Punished? By who?"

"The union. The Amalgamation of Fairies, Witches and Things That Go Bump In The Night, Local 422. A bit of a stickler when it comes to the rules, but they do have an outstanding benefits package."

Babs rolls her eyes. "OK, so let me see if I understand. You are my fairy godfather? Sheesh. Now, I get some undetermined number of wishes, at least more than one, and they have to do with hair?"

"In the vernacular, I believe the answer is, quote, you've got it right, sister, unquote."

Babs looks up at Gossamer. "And how many wishes do I get, tall red and fuzzy?"

"Three, to be exact."

Babs gets up and starts pacing. We can see the wheels turning in her mind, as the typical cartoon convention balloon appears over her head, showing three gears turning. She is muttering to herself, "Three wishes about hair? How useless can you get? Still, it would give me a chance to see how the other half lives, so to speak. And maybe I can turn the tables on Fifi just once. Maybe I can make some of the boys have their jaws drop when walk by. Maybe..."

As Babs muses on these thoughts, the gear balloon above her grows, each thought adding an additional cog. Gossamer, fascinated by this, floats over to the balloon to examine this phenomenon. However, he gets too close, and his fur gets caught in the gears. After a brief, valiant and yet fruitless struggle, the gears drag him in, spinning him round and round, until he gets spit out and impacts against the rear wall, looking like, well, a chewed up 7-foot tall red monster. He slides slowly down the wall into a red furry heap and utters a single syllable.

"Ouch."

"...and maybe Buster would learn not to take me for granted anymore. Alright, I'll try it. Come on, Gossamer, let's get moving here, I've got to go get ready for the new me." Babs starts to exit, grabbing a handful of Gossamer as she goes by and dragging him out behind her. The door slams shut behind Babs, catching a chunk of Gossamer's hair in it. We hear a ripping sound, followed by a loud scream of agony as we fade to black.


	2. Chapter 2

Bad Hare Day

A Tiny Toon Adventures Story

Based on "Tiny Toon Adventures",

Characters Created by Tom Ruegger

Television Show Developed and Produced by Steven Spielberg

All Character (c) Warner Brother Animation / Amblin Television

* * *

><p>CHAPTER TWO<p>

As the iris opens onto our scene, we find ourselves now in the familiar bedroom of one Barbara Anne Bunny, who...

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!"

Ahem. Yes, sorry...the familiar bedroom of one Babs Bunny. The pink four poster canopy bed has flopped upon it out heroine, portable phone hermetically attached to one ear as she talks into it. Atop the canopy, squeezed rather uncomfortably in the space between the canopy and the top of the burrow, is Gossamer. Gossamer is just slightly less hairy than before, as a bald patch with a small white x-shaped bandage is on one side of his head. Other bandages wrap various parts of our hairy fairy, who is still recovering from his ordeal. He mutters quietly to himself about toon teens and self control.

"Yes, Harriet... the old three wishes routine, only about hair! Is this a scream or what?" Small garbled voice noises reply to her from the phone. "What am I going to wish for? I don't know! I mean, you do have to be careful, or else you could find yourself doing something stupid, like wishing for Shirley's hair, or..."

PFZZZT!

"ARGGGGGGHHHHHH!"

Bab's scream is almost deafening in the small space. Her eyes now round as saucers, she ignores the anxious questioning sounds coming from the phone as she stared at her altered reflection in the mirror. There staring back at her with just as much horror was a pink bunny wearing a stylish mop of blond hair. There are two lumps on each side for a second, then Babs' ears emerge, raising up above the hair like a pair of periscopes. As she gets over the initial shock, Babs recognizes the hair immediately. Sure enough, its Shirley's hair alright.

The phone sits on the floor of the burrow, Harriet's voice coming over it in squawks. Babs looks at the her reflection in the mirror again, and without looking at it, reaches down for the phone and picks it up. She starts talking into the earpiece, realizes her mistake, and flips the phone around.

"Ummm, Harriet, something's popped up, so to speak. I'll get back to you. No... I'm fine. No, don't come over here. I'll call you later." She clicks the off button on the phone, and let's it slip from her hand...and then closes her eyes for a second, almost wishing for the hair to be gone, but afraid what that might mean...

Babs' shakes her head, and stops, realizing it feels, well, different.

"Yes. It has weight, volume. It moves, it reacts. Some have said it has a life of its own." Gossamer floats down from near the ceiling, hovering next to Babs as she stands there, her eyes closed. "Songs and sonnets have been written about it, women have wished for it, men have died for it...and now, you have it. That's one wish...sign here please."

Babs opens her eyes in surprise at this last statement and looks down. Gossamer has produced a receipt book, filled out to show Babs as recipient of one wish. He holds the book and a pen out to her, smiling. Babs takes the pen and signs the receipt, which then disappears in a small cartoon puff of smoke.

"Well, then, that's that. So, how do you like your new hair, hare?"

Babs smiles and reaches up tentatively, savoring the feel of her own hair for the first time. "Oh, it's wonderful. I never knew how nice this could feel. And think of the possibilities!" With that, Babs starts a spin-change, as Gossamer moves toward her in reaction.

"No! Don't!" Gossamer stops as he realizes it's too late and shields his eyes, knowing what is coming.

Babs starts her spin change, but then seemingly loses control, spinning around her room and wreaking havoc, similar to a twister. We zoom in and see a toy mobile home on the floor get destroyed as she spins through. Finally she comes to a rest, almost totally encased in a cocoon of blond hair. Only her eyes, her feet and one ear are visible.

"Mmmmph phmmm pppffffft!"

Gossamer floats around Babs, tsk-tsking as he examines the situation.

"Obviously you are new at this. Let me give you a piece of advice...rapid spinning will turn your hair into a tangled mess."

Babs furrows her one visible brow and makes a low grumbling noise.

"Oh, don't take that tone of voice with me, young lady. You are entirely too impulsive, and this is your own fault."

"Mmmffff-mmm-ppppfftttt-mmmmm!"

"What? No, I couldn't quite make that out. Hang on for a moment."

Gossamer reaches over and separates the hair in front of Bab's mouth. Babs takes in a deep breath, and then yells at Gossamer.

"Get me out of here, you idiot!"

"Temper, temper, Miss Bunny. You have created a knot of Gordian proportions. Now I will have to exercise some caution here about how I split hairs without splitting hares, so to speak." He flutters around, examining her situation. Finally, he nods, and reaches behind himself, pulling out a huge piece of armament that fairly screams "GUN" from a distance of 30 kilometers.

Babs sees this impressive piece of artillery and starts to shiver. Her shivering increases when she realizes the weapon is aimed directly between her eyes. "Ummm, Gossamer..."

"Shhhh...be vewy vewy quiet, the aim on this is very sensitive..."

"Gossamer, ummm, what is that gun..."

"Ready..." Our winged fairy pulls back on the slide, and undoes the safety.

"GOSSAMER!"

"Aim..." A red beam lances out from the weapon, illuminating a point directly between Babs' eyes...

Babs starts to pray, loudly, and closes her eyes, resigning herself to oblivion.

Gossamer smiles, a particularly evil looking grin. "Fire!"

As he pulls on the trigger, a surprisingly quiet "pop" sound is heard for such a large gun. Out of the guns barrel comes a shell the size of an ostrich egg, hurtling toward Babs. As the shell approaches her, it suddenly halts, splits in two, and opens, revealing some mechanical arms loaded with hair spray, curlers, combs and scissors. The device starts circling Babs too quickly to be tracked, but from within the blur of motion we hear sounds like those inside a lumber mill. We also see the byproduct of all of this activity, blond tresses flying in all directions. Finally, the projectile finishes by saying "Voila! Est Manifique!" It then flies back into the gun.

Babs opens her eyes and sees she has indeed been cut loose, and the projectile has trimmed the hair into a shorter Dorothy Hamill bob style. Babs is in awe, and her jaw drops as she sees her reflection.

"I gather you find the new style satisfactory, Miss Bunny?" Babs turns to see Gossamer pressing a prominent button on the weapon, causing her to flinch. Gossamer chuckles as the cannon extends out a vacuum hose which quickly sucks up the 14-foot haystack of blond hair sitting in the corner.

"You know, miss, you really do have to realize that looks can be deceiving. It is what is inside that counts, I always say."

"Thank you, Dr. Joyce Brothers. Just do me a favor and put that thing away before someone gets hurt? I mean, hit the wrong button on this thing and we may find out how permanent a permanent really is...or get teased to death..."

Gossamer groans under the increased weight of the bad puns filling the room. "I see your point, Miss Bunny. And to quickly change the subject, how do you like Miss Loon's hair? I see you are adapting well to it."

Babs looks into the mirror and playfully fluffs the hair, assuming different poses with it. "Oh, I don't know, it's not so bad once you get..." Babs' voice trails off, as what Gossamer actually said reaches the reasoning centers of her mind... "Shir-Shir-Shirley's hair? What exactly do you mean by that? You mean it's LIKE Shirley's hair, right?"

"Well, as your friend, Miss Loon would say, 'It's, like, my hair, for sure.' It _is_ what you wished for, Miss Bunny."

Babs looks again at the hair in the mirror. "But I asked for hair _like_ Shirley's, not Shirley's hair, you enormous hairball!"

Gossamer shakes his head, smiling. "Au contraire, Miss Bunny. You received EXACTLY what you wished for, and that is all you got. Nothing more, nothing less. Here, look at your receipt." Gossamer snaps his fingers and the receipt materializes in a small poof of Acme Special Effect Smoke (tm) in front of Babs. She reaches down and picks it up, reading it aloud.

"Granted: One wish to Miss Barbara Anne Bunny, as specified in the following wish: _'I mean, you do have to be careful, or else you could find yourself doing something stupid, like wishing for Shirley's hair...'_ Said wish is non-transferable, non refundable. No warranty is implied by this receipt, except in Vermont and in three very small towns in Idaho no one has ever heard of anyway."

Gossamer floats smugly above Babs. "No doubt about it, the wish was as requested by the hare with the skinny pink chin. Enjoy your wish. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to get to work on the paperwork. You would not believe the paperwork involved in granting a wish... Emotional Impact Statements, Licenses, all of them in triplicate and witnessed by Rotary Notary Privates. If you need me, just holler out, and I'll be, ahem, _hare_." Gossamer starts to chuckle at his own joke as he fades from site, humming a tune that sounds suspiciously like _I'm Gonna Wash That Hare Right Out of My Hair_.

Babs watches him fade away, and then flops back onto the bed. "Oh no. This is a disaster! When Shirley realizes her hair is missing, she'll blow a gasket. Or worse!" Babs then notices a strange feeling she has never had before - the hair on the back of her neck standing up.

Babs turns around behind her, and watches as Shirley's karma comes floating into the room. Babs winces as she sees a bandana tied over Shirley's head where her hair would normally be. The air around the astral projection is tinted an angry red, and her chant her seems to have a more ragged tone, each syllable of "Ohwhattalooniam" coming out as if it were bitten off. Babs decides to try a nonchalant attitude. "Oh, hiya, Shirley. I was just about to call you."

"Traitor. Thief! _Network Executive_!"

"Now just a minute! It's not my fault! I didn't know..."

Shirley's apparition looks at Babs, fire in her eyes. "Like, don't even try the ignorance routine on me, you thief. Like, how totally uncool to the max can you get, stealing my hair. And, like, what did you do to it? You cut it? Like, Babs, I am like, so totally angry at you..."

"Shirley, please. I didn't steal it. Will you listen for a minute? Just let me talk for one minute, and if you still don't believe me, then you can still take whatever revenge you were planning on."

"Like, why should I listen to you? You'd just lie, or something."

"No, I wouldn't. And honestly, Shirley, if I am telling the truth, what kind of bad karma would come from zapping me?"

The loon's astral projection looks at Babs, and the nods. "Alright, Babs, you were my friend, so that's worth a minute. But, like, this had better be good."

Babs looks soberly at Shirley and nods. "Sister, trust me. I couldn't make up a story this crazy...and for me, that's saying something." She then starts to relate everything that happened from the time Shirley left her in the projection room until now.

Shirley listens quietly, a couple of times opening her beak as if to say something, but then waiting as Babs quickly moves on to another point.

"And finally, he left, saying to call him if I needed anything. Shirley, I am so sorry. I wanted hair like yours, but not your hair!"

Shirley's projection wavers a bit as she ruminates on what Babs has said. "So, like, this fairy fellow, he's made the switch without warning you, or anything? Egads, I mean, that's like so totally uncool. But there is, like, no way I will go back to school tomorrow without any hair."

Babs gets up and starts pacing. "I know. And if I show up tomorrow with your hair, I'll be the laughing stock of the school. Look, Shirley, isn't there some way you can, well, zap the wish without turning me into some sort of Crispy Critter?"

"Eww, like, I dunno. This is way out of my league, Babs."

A knock on the door startles Babs. She looks toward the door. "Who is it?"

"Babsie, hiya. It's me, Buster. Your mom said it was OK for me to come back. Can I come in?"

"Don't come in! I'm not decent!" shouts our heroine, as she dives into her closet to look for a hat. Various items come flying out, including sports gear, exercise equipment, books, cartoon props of varying sizes and shapes, and clothing of different styles. Shirley dodges the various flying items in vain before getting buried under a pile of yellow sweaters. Babs finally emerges wearing a huge 30-gallon Stetson with a very floppy brim. She closes the closet door and flops onto the bed, turning on her TV, trying to look nonchalant. "OK, come on in Buster."

Buster tries to open the door, but can't get it moved more than a crack because of the pile of stuff from the closet residing against it. He pushes and grunts and groans, forcing the door open inch by inch with a grating sound like stone on stone. Finally he has enough room and slips into the room, looking around at the carnage. He lets out a low whistle. "Wow, was it time to redecorate? I can't quite see the look you were going for here, Babs.

Lemme guess, early Sanford and Son?"

"Ha, ha, very funny. What do you want, Buster."

"I want to know what's going on, Babs. You snap at me at the library, you're acting funny...you're wearing a really big hat. What's going on? Is Shirley channeling Ross Perot into you or something?"

A muffled voice comes from under a 6-foot pile of yellow sweaters behind Buster. "Like, leave me out of this, Buster. It's, like, not my fault, or whatever." The pile starts to levitate and moves over near Babs.

"Alright, you two, rope it in. Babs, what's going on?"

Babs chews her bottom lip for a second, debating what to say. She decides to say it all in a rush.

"  
>'tknowwhattodo!"<p>

She breaks down and starts to cry on the bed.

The rush of words hits Buster like a gale. Our hero leans into the storm, wrapping his arms around one of Babs' bedposts to keep him in place. The pile of sweaters is blown off of Shirley as she valiantly tries to hold on, but the rush soon throws her back against the wall. The astral projection hits the wall with a loud "whomp" sound, and then slides down it and through the floor, muttering "Like, ouch, or something. I'll be back soon, Babs."


	3. Chapter 3

Bad Hare Day

A Tiny Toon Adventures Story

Based on "Tiny Toon Adventures",

Characters Created by Tom Ruegger

Television Show Developed and Produced by Steven Spielberg

All Character (c) Warner Brother Animation / Amblin Television

* * *

><p>CHAPTER THREE<p>

Babs and Buster watch Shirley's Astral projection slide away through the floor, and then turn to each other. Babs looks ready to break down again, so Buster jumps into the breach. "Whoa, Babs. Slow it down, it'll be alright. Just take a few deep breaths and get a hold of yourself, OK?" Babs nods, still crying. She gulps in some air as she tries to calm down. "Now, then, you said you have Shirley's hair? How did that happen?"

Babs again explains what happened. Buster nods as he listens, trying to follow it all. When she finishes, he just shakes his head. "Well, you forgot one important point, Babs."

"I know. I should be happy with who I am, instead of trying to be something else."

"Uhhh, no. Good moral, but not even close."

"OK, oh wise one. What did I forget?"

"That it doesn't matter what you do, I am there for you."

"Hmmmm. I dunno, I think my moral works better with the story."

"Whatever. We can iron it out later. The important thing is for us to get things set right again. Though I've gotta admit, I'm curious. Can I see what it looks like?"

Babs reaches up shyly, and slowly removes her hat. She looks down, not wanting to see the look on Buster's face. As the tears fall from her eyes, she feels the gentle touch of his paws slowly stroking her hair.

"It's beautiful. It does look very nice on you, Babsie. But then again, anything would look nice on you."

Babs looks up, smiling a little shyly. "Flatterer. But thanks anyway, Buster. I needed to hear that."

Buster slides off the bed and flops down onto one of the debris piles in the room. "What I don't understand is why. I mean, why would you want a head of hair? I mean, from what you've said, it sounds like more trouble than it's worth."

Babs gets off the bed ad starts to pace. "You don't know the half of it.

But Buster, haven't you ever been jealous of someone because they have something that you don't? Or can do something you can't?"

"Sure, Babsie. Lots of times. But then I remember something Bugs once told me. 'Remember, kid, it's not how the cards are dealt, but how you play 'em that matters.' It's how we make use of what we've been given that's important. Look, Fifi has that hair, right? But she is pretty one dimensional, too. I mean, how many times have you seen her do a spin change? And how many "Skunk Hunks" has she ever actually stuck with?"

Babs nods at this. "OK. But still, now what do I do? I mean, I'm still wearing Shirley's hair."

Buster shakes his head. "Wrong question. It's what do we do? And I do mean 'we', Babs. I'm still here for you, no matter what."

Babs smiles and comes over to her boyfriend. "Thanks Buster. You keep restoring my faith in myself."

Buster grins. "I guess that would make me a hare restorer?"

Babs groans. "Keep making puns like that and I may have to become a hare remover, if you catch my drift."

There is another knock on the door. Buster opens it and in floats Shirley. She is wearing a purple bandana on her head, but the shape of it makes it very clear the she no longer has any hair. She looks over at Babs. "Like, I rushed over here as fast as I could. I don't think anybody else saw me. Wow, this is like, so weird." She sees herself in the mirror again. "Like, ewwww. I look like a Sinead O'Connor wannabe or something."

"Sorry about that, Shirley. Hmmm... Buster, what do you think we should do?"

He shrugs. "Buy Shirley a wig? Seriously, maybe you should just call that fairy guy and say you want it changed back."

Babs hits herself in the head with the palm of her hand. "Duh! But this may take a while, I don't even know HOW to call him."

At that moment, there is another knock on the door. Buster looks over at Babs. "My, this place certainly is becoming popular."

Shirley closes her eyes and concentrates for a second, then opens them wide in panic. "Like, ohmigosh, hide me, quick. Plucky must have seen me and followed me all the way here. Like, I can't let him see me like this!" She dives back under the pile of clothes in the corner.

Babs looks over at Buster. "Well, it IS my fault. Can I get your help dealing with Plucky?"

Buster smiles. "Piece of cake. This should take care of the problem." He reaches into a pocket and pulls out a remote control with a single dial and a large red button. The label on it reads "ACME ANVIL DISPATCHER." Buster turns the dial and we see a series of pictures on it swing by: one anvil dropping on a silhouette of Plucky, two anvils next to each other, one really BIG anvil, etc. He moves the dial to the "Random Mayhem" setting and reaches to push the button.

Babs reaches out to stop him, looking slightly panicked. "No! Buster, dropping an anvil on him will just make him suspicious. I kind of want to keep attention off of me and Shirley until we get this one figured out."

"I see your point. Well, I'll follow your lead."

Plucky opens the door and enters the room uninvited. "Babs, I'm looking for Shirl, I've just got to tell her something!"

"Sure, Plucky, come on in. I haven't seen Shirley, but you're always welcome. He's always welcome, isn't that right, Buster?"

"Yessirree, Babs, always welcome."

Plucky pulls up to a stop when he hears the tone of their voice. Without thinking, by reflex he immediately looks overhead, searching for the location from which the anvil he just knows in his heart is going to hit him will come from. Not seeing it, he quickly wipes his brow, but all during his conversation with Buster and Babs, he keeps sneaking glances at the ceiling.

Babs walks up behind Plucky and taps him on the shoulder. "Anyway, Plucky, as said, I haven't seen Shirley, but I can always get her a message. What's the news?"

Plucky turns around to talk to Babs. "Well, I was just coming back from Acme Loo and I saw...gaaa!" Plucky's beak drops wide to the ground and his eyes pop out of his head when he sees the change in Babs. "What the... how... when... why?"

Babs looks at Buster, who has moved around behind Plucky. He is making gestures with his hands, like pulling something down over his head. He then points to the bed. Babs looks quickly, and realizes that she forgot to put the hat back on her head. _Oh, great. Think fast, Barbara Anne, or this duck is gonna cook your goose._ Sudden inspiration hits her.

Babs grabs the hat and smiles at Plucky. "Do you like it? Buster gave it to me. He wants to do a Western as our next project."

Buster is taken aback for a second, and then jumps right in. "Yea. It's a project Babs and I have been working on for a while now. 'Ricochet Rabbits.' We're still in testing stages, as you can see, but we think it'll be great. Of course, there will need to be a villain... wait a minute... Babs, let me try something."

Buster grabs a makeup pencil and draws a thin handlebar moustache on the end of Plucky's beak. "Yeah, this will work just fine. Now Plucky, can you give me a truly evil laugh?"

"What, like this? Bwa-ha-ha-hoo-hoo-ha-ha."

"Well, that's close. A little more maniacal, a little less crazy. But we can work on it." Buster starts to hustle Plucky to the door. "Babs and will send you the script as soon as we start...er, finish writing it. Meanwhile, you practice that laugh."

"Sure thing, Buster, old buddy old pal. As long as get equal billing with you rabbits. I'll call you tomorrow. Oh, and Babs, nice hair. Is it for the new project?" He heads out the door, his search for Shirley forgotten, practicing a maniacal laugh all the way.

Babs closes the door behind him and sighs. "Whew. Way too close for comfort. A Western, huh?" Babs does a quick spin change and is now dressed like Mae West. "Well, big boy, we had better figure out a way to corral us that hairy fairy guy, or Shirley there is gonna need a new nickname...and I don't think she's gonna be too fond of Baldy McLoon."

Shirley peeks out from under the sweater. "Like, I have got to find a better place to hide someday, or some junk. I mean, these clothes are so nasty, they're like giving my aura a static charge or something." She demonstrates by trying to pull someone of Babs' sweaters away from her...it gets tossed away, stops in midair and rushes back to her, wrapping its arms around Shirley in a big hug. The neck comes to rest on Shirley's shoulder. "Like, I think maybe this thing likes me, or some junk."

"OK, enough fooling around. We need to find this Hairy Fairy guy. Babs, do you remember what he said when he left?"

"Not offhand...hang on a second." She pulls out a dog-eared copy of a script from her back pocket and quickly leafs through it. "Here it is, page 11." She shows the section to Buster and Shirley:

GOSSAMER

If you need me, just holler out, and I'll be, ahem, hare.

(chuckle at own joke, fade from site)

(Note: hum a few bars of _I'm Gonna Wash That Hare Right Out of My Hair_.)

"Like, well, your Hairy fairy guy sounds like a real jerk or something."

"You got that right, Shirley."

Buster takes the script for a second, idly turning the pages. He then turns to the back and reads the last few pages. "Oh, wow, you mean that's going to happen! How did the writer ever get THAT by the producers?"

Babs grabs the script back. "Hey, no fair peeking! We still have a ways to go here, Buster. You know the rules - no foreshadowing allowed."

Shirley looks over at Babs. "Well, like, are we gonna just sit here all day? I mean, it's time to get crucial."

"Alright, Shirley, what do we do?"

"Like, let's all join hands, or something, so we can let our auras flow together." She walks next to Babs and takes a hand, then together they hold out their hands to Buster. "Like, come on, Blue Boy, we could use your help here, ya know."

Buster reluctantly walks over and takes their hands. "I have a bad feeling about this, but anything for Babs."

Shirley speaks up. "Like, quiet down, Buster, we need to tune our auras to the astral plain." She starts chanting softly, "Oh what a loon I am. Oh what a loon I am." Babs picks up the chant, on a slightly different note, higher than Shirley. Finally, Buster starts mumbling the same chant, feeling a little ridiculous as he does so. As his voice joins theirs, the resultant chord rings through the room, echoing in the space, and then seemingly beyond. A faint blue glow starts to surround the toons, growing in intensity around them as they chant.

Finally, Shirley decides the time is right and decides to direct the energy across the boundaries of the ethereal plain. "We call upon the spirit known as Gossamer, the Hairy Fairy."

A disembodied voice echoes back to them. "Hello, you have reached Fairy Central. If you know the extension number of the sprite you wish to contact, please chant it now. Otherwise, please hold, and our next available medium will be with you." Across the tenuous connection, the faint strains of a computer-generated version of "Greensleeves" come wafting toward them.

"Ewww, like, how uncool. I hate voicemail systems, they are like, so impersonal, or some junk. Like, Babs, did Gossamer, ya know, like, give you an extension?"

Babs stops chanting for a second. "No."

"Like, how typical. Well, like, ummm, let's wait and talk to a medium there and see if they can connect us."

The trio of toons start to chant again, and soon a familiar voice comes back across the line. "Hello, you have reached the office of Gossamer and Rudolph, Hairy Fairies, Ltd. We are unable to answer your ethereal communication, but if you leave a message at the tone, we will be in contact with you upon your next visit to the Astral Plane. Don't forget, for the fairest of fairy hair, it's the Hairy Fairies. Please leave your message." An eerie moan, like wind howling through a hallway, sounds for a second, followed by a mechanical voice. "Please leave your message now."

Babs rushes her words out, not sure how long of a time she has to leave her message. "Gossamer, it's me, Babs Bunny. I need to get my wishes reversed and end this. Please hurry. I don't know how much-"

BEEP. A loud obnoxious tone comes from the ether, followed by the mechanical voice. "Thank you for leaving a message. If you want to make another connection, or leave an additional message, please start a new séance. Thank you."

Buster starts to get angry. "Now wait a minute, Babs wasn't done yet. We want to leave another message. I demand-"

ZAP! A great bolt of red lightning appears and hits Buster. When the smoke clears, he is singed and still steaming. "Ummm, I see your point." He falls over, backwards.

The toons stop chanting, the séance broken. The blue glow fades into a distant memory. Babs goes over to Buster. "You OK?"

"Did someone get the number of the truck?" Steam continues to rise from Buster. "I knew that was a bad idea."

"Like, I'm sorry Buster. I'll, like, file a complaint with customer service next time I'm online, or some junk."

"Sure, Shirley. Just warn me before you do, OK?

"Like, why, Buster?"

"So I can be someplace very far away." He faints backward.

"Like, what a mondo negatory attitude."

"Yeah, well, my attitude isn't much better, Shirl. This means we can't get this straightened out until Gossamer answers that message. We're gonna have to go to school tomorrow looking like this!"

"Like, not to worry, Babs. This Gossamer dude will show up, or something. And when he does, I mean, like, you just make another wish, and like, presto, back to normal. Ohmigosh, like, wow, time for me to head home and study. Like, we've got that Physics test tomorrow, you know. Later." She floats up and out of the room through the door, then ducks back in for a second. "Just remember, don't make any more wishes until that Gossamer dude shows up."

"Don't worry. After all, how could this get any worse?"

We are left to ponder this as the screen irises out around Babs' face.


	4. Chapter 4

Bad Hare Day

A Tiny Toon Adventures Story

Based on "Tiny Toon Adventures",

Characters Created by Tom Ruegger

Television Show Developed and Produced by Steven Spielberg

All Character (c) Warner Brother Animation / Amblin Television

* * *

><p>CHAPTER FOUR<p>

Our scene opens again onto the entrance plaza to Acme Looniversity. The day, as always, is bright and sunny as our young toonsters make their way inside for classes. Among them we see a green duck, now dressed inexplicably in a black cape and flat black hat, wearing a thin handlebar mustache at the end of his beak. He seems to be practicing skulking back and forth, occasionally letting go with a maniacal laugh.

Hamton Pig sees this as he arrives and walks up to him. "Hiya, Plucky. Whatcha doing?"

"Oh, hi, Hamton. Babs and Buster are working a new project, and they want me to be the villain. I'm practicing my villain stuff. I think I have the perfect villain's laugh down. Here, let me try it on you." He backs up a second, then leaps up, cape wide open and draws it across his face. "Mwa-ha-ha-ha. You will never catch me, Sheriff Buster."

"I don't know, Plucky. You just don't seem the villain type to me."

Plucky takes a step back, aghast. "Not the villain type? Hamton, you have no idea the depths of my talent. I can play all types from hero to villain, and many in between. Yes, that's me, the consummate duck actor. Of course, Buster needs me in his project to lend it the weight that only a truly great actor can."

Hamton looks over at Plucky, his face screwed carefully into a neutral expression. His eyes betray his disbelief, however. "Well, that's nice, Plucky. Just be careful, you remember the last time you did a project with them. You weren't consummate then...just consommé."

That brings Plucky up short. "What's that?"

"Duck Soup."

"Ahhh, that was just a little accident. Besides, this time I have insurance.

Well, gotta fly, Hamton old buddy. Hey if you're nice, I'll ask Buster and Babs if you can be my sidekick. Every villain has to have a sidekick..."

Hamton watches the duck slink into the halls of the Looniversity, and just shakes his head. "Will he never learn?"

"Oui, that duck eez, how does vous say, tres idiot."

"Oh, hiya, Fifi. My, you're looking lovely today." Hamton blushes a bit.

Fifi dimples, happy as always to receive compliments. "Merci beaucoup, my piggy friend. Has vous zeen Babs or Shirley today? Moi has been looking for le pink bunny damsel since repast yesterday."

"No, I haven't. Come to think about it, I haven't seen Buster either. Plucky just mentioned they were working on a film project, though, so they may have been busy."

Fifi starts to tremble. "Le what? Babs, Shirley and moi were supposed to be working on le grande film project for next week. How dare they tosses vous moi for that blue bunny and obnoxious green duck. Moi eez, how do vous say, tres aggravated!" She starts to scent the area without thinking.

Hamton, ever prepared, pulls out a gas mask and puts it on. He continues, as always the gentlemen. "Well, it isn't fair if that's what they did, but maybe you should ask them first instead of getting mad right away, Fifi."

"No. My honor, eet haz been le injured, and moi shall be avenged. Au revoir, my passionate piggy friend. Nous will see each other again, merci." Fifi stalks up the stairs and into the school, in a foul mood.

Hamton watches her enter, then sighs as he takes off the gas mask, sprays it with his handy personal size can of ACME Industrial Strength Deodorizer (TM), and puts it away. As he does, he glances up and sees Buster. He is curious, as Buster is dressed like someone trying to be very inconspicuous: dark glasses, fedora pulled down low and a trench coat. Of course, at Acme Loo, that outfit stands out just as someone wearing a Buster costume would on Wall Street. Standing by the bushes in front of the school, glancing nervously to and fro, Buster keeps looking up at the bell tower, then down at his watch. Hamton, curious about this, walks over for a better look.

"Good morning, Buster. That's a new look on you. Let me guess...hard-boiled detective day?"

"Umm, no. My...that is, I...I mean, all my red sweaters are in the laundry and this was all I had lying around."

"I see. Say, have you seen Shirley and Babs this morning? Fifi is looking for them, and she's awfully mad."

Buster looks fearful for a second, but then composes himself. "Uhh, no Hamton, I haven't today. I know they were studying together last night on a...um...project they're doing together."

"Oh, OK. Well, I've got to get to class. Professor Fudd's giving that Physics test today, and I want to get some last minute lab work in before it. See you later." He starts to walk away, then turns to the bushes as he goes by. "See you two later, Babs and Shirley." He heads into the school.

Babs and Shirley stand up. They are dressed, like Buster, in trench coats and dark glasses, with large fedoras pulled down on their heads. "Well, like, so much for being inconspicuous. I mean, I look like a reject from a bad spy film, or some junk."

Babs takes on a bad Bogart accent, trying to fit the part. "Eh, don't knock it, sweetheart. I don't think the pig'll squeal. Now all we have to do is get past the big stinker and we'll be home free."

Buster looks over at Babs. "Rope it in, Bogie. We still need to get through the day today." The school bell starts to ring. "Come on, that's first bell. If we hurry, we can sneak in and sit in the back of the room for the test."

The trio looks around, and starts up the stairs, collars pulled up. High above them, Gogo Dodo lounges upside down and watches them enter, then looks straight at us. "And they think I'm crazy? WooHoo! Honk Honk!"

Our three protagonists enter the back of Freleng Memorial Hall, the largest lecture hall on campus. They take seats at the back of the hall, in the upper deck. As we pan down, we see the hall is roughly the size of the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum. Down toward the front of the hall, we see a tiny chalkboard and an even tinier podium. Through the aisles, vendors are hawking various items to the students.

A vendor walks by them, calling out. "Get your cold drinks here. Ice cold carrot sodas."

Buster looks over at Shirley and Babs. "Well, this far back, we should be somewhat inconspicuous."

A second vendor comes up the aisle. "Red Hots. Get yer red hots right here."

Babs nods. "I just hope we can get through the day without anything worse happening. Shirley, have you picked up anything on our fairy fellow?"

Shirley, who has had her eyes closed and is quietly chanting to herself, looks up at Babs for a second. "Like, negatory, Babs. Seems like this Gossamer dude has taken a powder, or something."

Across the hall, a third vendor is making his way around. His voice reaches Buster and Babs. "Get your fresh Number 2 pencils here. Sharpened number 2 pencils, right here!"

Buster ponders this news. "Umm, Shirley, what about if YOU channeled this Gossamer fella. Couldn't you use his powers?"

"No can do, Blue Boy. Like, he's a guy, you know, and the polarities of our astral projections would be all wrong, or some junk." She gets a thoughtful look on her face. "But, there is, like, another choice. I could channel him into _you_, Buster."

"Me?" Buster flashes back on visions of himself steaming from a recent lightning strike. He gulps, loudly.

"Yes, you."

"I don't know, Shirley. Isn't that dangerous?"

"Like, no more so than me channeling those powers. I mean, like, you were real willing for me to be the channeler, or some junk. What about you?"

Babs looks over at Buster. "I know you don't want to, and I understand if you say no, but we need your help, Buster. Please?" She bats her eyelashes at him, and then gets the most adorable sad puppy dog eyes.

Buster flinches, unable to resist. "Ok, Ok, I'll do it. Just lose the puppy dog stare, sister. What do I do, Shirley?"

"Like, just sit back, close your eyes and relax, Blue Boy. It'll be over in a minute, or some junk." She closes her eyes and goes into a transcendental trance. "Like, I call upon the spirits of the world, or some junk. I call forth the spirit of the Hairy Fairies, Gossamer and Rudolph. Like, their powers I now call unto Buster Bunny, to wield as his right, as Babs' protector." Buster raises his eyebrows when he hears this, but otherwise doesn't move. "Like, I call you forth now." She points at Buster with both hands. Two streaks of red lightning leap from her hands and envelope Buster, illuminating him like a x-ray. They stop, and we see him there, steaming.

Babs looks over at her now slightly crispy friend. "Buster, are you OK?"

He opens up one groggy eye at peers up at Babs. "Yeah, I'm alright. But hey, Shirley, next time, can we at least let me get grounded before you hit me with 1.21 Gigawatts?"

Babs does a quick spin change and is now dressed like Dr. Emmett Brown. "1.21 Gigawatts?"

Shirley and Buster both look over at Babs. In unison, they say, "Babs!"

Babs spins changes back to her normal self. "Sorry. Sometimes I just can't help myself."

Shirley turns to Buster. "Like, sorry, dude. I mean, there was way more power there than I expected. How do you feel?"

Buster shrugs. "I don't know. Kinda weird. Why?" Suddenly he notices that he is starting to look down on Babs and Shirley. He looks down at himself. "Yipes! What's going on?"

Babs is speechless. Before her eyes, her friend is turning into a 7-foot tall blue hairy hare – in tennis shoes, no less. She turns to Shirley. "Well, it looks like it worked."

"Like, duh - of course it worked. Buster, I don't know how long it will work, but you should be able to grant Babs' hair wishes now."

"Good. Buster, I wish that..."

"Crib notes! Get your crib notes here!" A vendor comes up directly behind them at that moment.

"I wish that you would change me and Shirley back to norm-"

"GET YOUR CRIB NOTES!"

The vendor is now practically shouting in Babs' ear. She turns to him, and starts to shout back. "WILL YOU BE QUIET? I-"

PFZZZZZT!

Buster automatically raises a hand and red lightening shot from him toward Babs. However, when Babs turned, the bolt missed her. Striking the shiny metallic railing behind her, the bolt reflects in about 20 different directions and starts bouncing around the hall. Some parts of it strike walls or floors and dissipate harmlessly. But a few parts find... shall we say friendlier targets.

Babs and Shirley look up with obvious horror on their faces as they hear shouts of exclamation coming up from the hall. Shirley looks down at herself, and then faints as she realizes her feathers have been replaced with a light lavender fur and a single white stripe.

Buster looks at Shirley, and then at Babs, and hits his head. "I knew this was a bad idea."

Babs grabs Buster's binoculars and looks out through them across the lecture hall. As she does so, her eyes bug out of the front of them in standard toon panic reaction number three. As we look across the hall, we see why.

Down in the front section, a number of toons are arguing and pointing at each other. Hamton is now sporting a coat of white feathers, while Plucky and Sweetie have changed both size and color. Plucky now looks up at the cute big green birdie and mutters, "Mother" before fainting to the ground. The biggest shock, though, is from Fifi. She screams once and cowers behind her chair, blushing, and then reaches gingerly for Plucky's cape and grabs it. Babs watches from behind as her hair tormentor is now completely bald and totally naked.

At this moment, Professor Fudd walks in, pushing in front of him a wheelbarrow piled 10 feet high with tests. He is startled by the reaction, but ignores it for the moment. After all, students always hate mid-term exams, don't they? "A little whining and gnashing of teeth will do them vewy well, I think," he says to himself. Suddenly, he feels a tugging on his arm. He looks over and sees what he thinks is Plucky. It slowly dawns on him what he is seeing is now a 4-foot tall cute green birdie.

"Uhhh, Sweetie, what happened to you?"

"I dunno, Professor. One moment, I'm minding my business, and the next, KABLAMMO! I'm tall and green. Kinda weird, huh?"

"My word, this will nevuh do. I must go see Pwincipal Bugs wight away. All of you, wemain calm, help will be hewe soon." He hustles off, leaving in a flurry of tests papers. As he heads down the hall, you here him screaming.

"Help! Help!"

Babs looks up at Buster. "Now look what you did!"

"What I did? It was your wish that caused all the trouble in the first place. Can I help it if I'm a lousy shot?"

"Great. Now what do we do?"

"Excuse me, what's this 'we' stuff?"

"Well, you're the one channeling the powers."

Buster starts to say something when a red whirlwind appears around him, shrinking him back down to normal size. "Uhhh, then again, maybe not."

The whirlwind moves above Babs, and coalesces into a familiar 7-foot tall hairy monster. Babs and Buster move together and hold each other for comfort. "Oh boy, are we in trouble now."

"There you go again with that 'we' business."

"SILENCE!"

Buster and Babs look up at one very angry red hairy fairy. Gossamer's eyes are glowing white hot from the rage inside him. "How dare you take and channel my powers without my permission. And look at the results. Out of control magic, wildly flung around the hall here, things totally out of control. Giant green birds? Furry lavender loons? Naked skunkettes? Have you lost your minds?"

Buster stands up to Gossamer. "Now wait a minute here, Mister. We tried to contact you, and YOU wouldn't show up. You failed to come when called upon, per your own rules. Maybe we tried and failed to do your job, Mister, but you never even showed up!"

Gossamer opens his mouth to rebut the rabbit, then stops. He looks for a second, and then a look of understanding comes over him. "Egad, you may be right. I forgot to check my messages before I went to sleep. Oh dear, the union is going to be very severe in this case." He starts muttering and pacing in mid air "This will never do. I'll lose the promotion...I'll never get promoted...I may even be demoted to...dare I say...dust fairy." He shudders at the thought.

"Darn right they will...but maybe they'll go lenient if we clean up this mess?"

Gossamer looks down at Buster and Babs. "You are wise beyond your years, rabbits. Ummm, I don't suppose you have any ideas on how to clean this up?"

Buster looks back at him. "No...I was kind of hoping you might."

Babs chimes in. "Sheesh. This one is so simple, even I can think it up. Gossamer, does my third wish cover taking me back to when this all started?" He nods. "OK. If I go back and then don't wish...none of this ever happened, right?"

"My word, what a brilliant piece of reasoning. So be it."

"Hang on a second, Gossamer." Babs turns to Buster. "Look, thanks for everything. You won't remember what you did for me over the last day...but I will."

"Hey, all in a day's work for me, getting barbecued and blown up for my best friend." He pulls her close and hugs her. "See you on the other side."

"Ahem. Sorry to interrupt, but it's time. Are you ready, Miss Bunny?"

Babs reaches up once, takes off her hat, and one last time runs her paw through her hair. Wistfully, she lets her paws fall to her side. "Yes. Gossamer, I wish all of this was reversed, and that I am taken back to where I was before I made the first wish."

Suddenly, Babs' world lights up, like a million flashbulbs going off in quick succession. The pressure of the light pushes at her, and she finds herself taking two steps sideways as she shields her eyes against the light. Suddenly, her ears are assailed by the cheers from the boys' table, as they encourage Dizzy to finish what he's eating.

Babs looks around, and sees she's seated next to Shirley, while Sweetie and Mary Melody are going over their Physics notes. Thankfully, everyone appears to be back to normal.

It appears Fifi and Shirley are having a discussion. The stunning skunkette speaks up. "Awww, mon petite loon, just because your hair eez not so stunningly gorgeous as moi, vous must work harder at it than moi. Moi eez tres understanding and tres sympathetique."

Babs shakes her head. "Come on, Fifi, Shirley's got a point. Longer hair styles are a lot of trouble to take care of. Just ask Mary, she's a runner and she keeps it short for that reason. Right, Mary?"

Mary thinks about this for a second, seriously weighing the issue as only a teenage female can truly do. "No, I just think it looks better short on me. Personally, though, I agree with you about long hair."

Fifi looks daggers at Babs. "Well, moi does not think that vous should have le opinion, Babs. After all, vous has no hair at all, just a little short pink fur on ze top. Nothing to be styled, teased, or curled into the tres magnifique work of art that moi has."

Babs opens her mouth to reply, and then stops for a second. Suddenly she has visions of Shirley bald, and with purple fur, Sweetie tall and green, and startlingly, Fifi naked as a jaybird. She reaches up on her head and feels, almost ghostlike, the shadows of the hair she wore. "It really happened." She thinks.

All of her friends at the table are looking at her. Suddenly, Babs starts to laugh. "Ha, Fifi! Hair is probably much more trouble than it's worth! I know I am." The table erupts with laughter.

The laughter attracts the attention of the guys table. Buster, Plucky and Dizzy wander over. Plucky stands next to Shirley, while Buster stands next to Babs. "Ok, so what's so funny?"

Babs and Shirley look at Plucky. They both suddenly have a vision of him six inches high, wearing pink feathers and with a yellow bow in his hair.

They look back at each other, and crack up, laughing so hard they fall to the floor and start rolling around, holding their stomachs.

Plucky looks over at Buster, who shrugs back. "Women."

"Yeah, Pluckster. I mean, who can figure them out."

"You got that right, old buddy. Still I wish just once I understood where they were coming from. Come on, let's get to the library."

Buster and Plucky head out the cafeteria doors. As they are exiting, there appears a smiling 7-foot tall red hairy monster, hovering over the doors. Babs is the only one who sees him.

The monster smiles and winks at Babs, then follows Buster and Plucky out the doors and into the hall. Through the small windows on the doors, we see a sudden flash of red light, followed by the screams of a duck and a rabbit.

Babs hears a high pitched voice coming from the hallway. "Plucky? What did you do to us now?"

Babs puts her hands over her face, shakes her head, and then looks directly at the camera. "Here we go again!" The screen irises in on her face until black.


End file.
